Taking care of Elderly Parents

Neetsy · 03-08-2007, 06:24 PM

I am looking for mortal support and direction in taking care of elderly and not so healthy parents.

A short story to update, I had a wonderful job and decided with my Husband that I would quit it, move to where my parents (who are not in good health) live. We built just up the road from them, and low and behold it comes to my Mother In Law who also is in her 80's, has 8 children, and lives by us. (The others did not want to live with her) You guessed it, I broke and agreed to let her live with us.

Wrong thing to do. Our relationship prior to our move together was great and I really enjoyed her, now I truly dislike her because of how things changed - Living with someone sure is different than knowing someone.
My parents are seen daily, but I remind my husband, they don't live under our roof, as my husband doesn't get along to well anymore with my Mother. Thank goodness for my Father, who takes care of her. I cook dinners for them and visit often, but am able to go home.

Anyone else coping with this? Maybe we can share ideas on how to handle certain situations.

My doctor put me on medication to better cope. It has sure helped, but the problem is still here.

philoSCIFI · 03-20-2007, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Anyone else coping with this?

Sorry, unfortunately not. But all the best to you and your family. And good luck!

fitnessk · 04-08-2007, 12:19 AM

My parents are not very old so I am no facing this situation. I actually am working on a blog for caretakers of family members. I won't post it here. But I can tell you from my own education and knowledge it can be difficult for everyone. It is important to get support to help you with this.

Neetsy · 04-09-2007, 05:02 PM

Thank you for your response.

marce · 05-21-2007, 05:13 AM

I have a different situation. My parents who are in their early sixties live about 5 minutes from my house. About six months ago my grandmother (mom's mother) came to live with them after suffering a stroke, she is 85 years old. Although she is not in great health; she can pretty much take care of herself - though she does has some dementia. She had already been in a nursing home for about 8 months and was deteriorating quickly. Long story short - Grandma is driving Dad crazy! He says that there is nothing wrong with her and that she is manipulative - she's 85 years old! I think he is just jealous. Anyway, Mom is upset and doesn't want to make Dad mad and has asked ME to take Grandma in. I have a full time job, husband and two kids. I am more than happy to help out with Grandma, but Mom/Dad are retired and have much more free time than I do. Am I wrong to think that my Mom should take care of Grandma instead of me? Help!!

Neetsy · 05-21-2007, 03:34 PM

No you are not wrong to think that your mom and dad should continue to take care of Grandma. You already have your hands full, and having her living with you will change everything you have. I have looked into other things like possibly a day care for the elderly. What your parents have to remember is that they need to continue with their life and get out and do as much as possible alone. If they are home people, then that posses a problem as every move you make that person is standing - listening - intruding in your conversations or what you might be doing at home. I wish you much luck, I know its a tough decision to make and you are caught in the middle, but stand your ground. Your family comes first.

marce · 05-21-2007, 10:58 PM

Thanks so much for the response. Luckily my sister (who lives 2000 miles away) is backing me up on this and pretty much told mom to "suck it up!". I'll keep my fingers crossed - thanks again!

eldragon · 06-04-2007, 01:22 PM

This scenario is common, and will become even more common in the future, because we are all living longer.

It puts a strain on everyone to have to care for your aging parents, and especially when you still have children in your house.

A temporary solution is to hire respite care, someone who comes in and sits with your aging parent so that you can have a break. And some major cities have "adult daycare centers" that you can drop your aged parents off to for a few hours during the day.

If dementia is a real problem, or God forbid Alzheimers, you probably won't be able to handle it yourself, especially if the person is ambulatory. (Walking.)

Then you will have no choice but to find an Alzheimers unit to keep your parent until they are not a danger to themselves or others (when they can no longer walk.)

This is a tough situation to be in, and you're not alone.

There is community assistance out there, call your local social services for additiona information.

tater03 · 06-07-2007, 08:44 PM

Our problem is that I am the only one in my family that will be able to take in our parents which I have no problem with in the least doing. I know that there will be problems along the way but if at all possible I would like to try to keep them in their own home or ours as long as I can.

The other problem is though that my husband will be the only one that will be able to take in his Mom if need be because we know that his brother will not. This may sound terrible and I would do what I need to do but my mother in law expects us to take her in whereas my parents don't. She is already rearranging our house for when she moves in and she is not even sick.

Where my parents have already told me that if it ever came down to us having to take in my mother in law and not them they would certainly understand because to be honest my parents would feel like a burden and they would not be. It just bugs me when I think about it because my mother in law is expecting it and has given no thought to what might happen if my parents would need to be the ones to have to move in with us.

03-08-2007, 06:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Neetsy Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	Taking care of Elderly Parents I am looking for mortal support and direction in taking care of elderly and not so healthy parents. A short story to update, I had a wonderful job and decided with my Husband that I would quit it, move to where my parents (who are not in good health) live. We built just up the road from them, and low and behold it comes to my Mother In Law who also is in her 80's, has 8 children, and lives by us. (The others did not want to live with her) You guessed it, I broke and agreed to let her live with us. Wrong thing to do. Our relationship prior to our move together was great and I really enjoyed her, now I truly dislike her because of how things changed - Living with someone sure is different than knowing someone. My parents are seen daily, but I remind my husband, they don't live under our roof, as my husband doesn't get along to well anymore with my Mother. Thank goodness for my Father, who takes care of her. I cook dinners for them and visit often, but am able to go home. Anyone else coping with this? Maybe we can share ideas on how to handle certain situations. My doctor put me on medication to better cope. It has sure helped, but the problem is still here.

04-08-2007, 12:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
fitnessk Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 25	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents My parents are not very old so I am no facing this situation. I actually am working on a blog for caretakers of family members. I won't post it here. But I can tell you from my own education and knowledge it can be difficult for everyone. It is important to get support to help you with this.

04-09-2007, 05:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
Neetsy Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents Thank you for your response.

05-21-2007, 05:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
marce Junior Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents I have a different situation. My parents who are in their early sixties live about 5 minutes from my house. About six months ago my grandmother (mom's mother) came to live with them after suffering a stroke, she is 85 years old. Although she is not in great health; she can pretty much take care of herself - though she does has some dementia. She had already been in a nursing home for about 8 months and was deteriorating quickly. Long story short - Grandma is driving Dad crazy! He says that there is nothing wrong with her and that she is manipulative - she's 85 years old! I think he is just jealous. Anyway, Mom is upset and doesn't want to make Dad mad and has asked ME to take Grandma in. I have a full time job, husband and two kids. I am more than happy to help out with Grandma, but Mom/Dad are retired and have much more free time than I do. Am I wrong to think that my Mom should take care of Grandma instead of me? Help!!

05-21-2007, 03:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
Neetsy Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 4	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents No you are not wrong to think that your mom and dad should continue to take care of Grandma. You already have your hands full, and having her living with you will change everything you have. I have looked into other things like possibly a day care for the elderly. What your parents have to remember is that they need to continue with their life and get out and do as much as possible alone. If they are home people, then that posses a problem as every move you make that person is standing - listening - intruding in your conversations or what you might be doing at home. I wish you much luck, I know its a tough decision to make and you are caught in the middle, but stand your ground. Your family comes first.

05-21-2007, 10:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
marce Junior Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 2	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents Thanks so much for the response. Luckily my sister (who lives 2000 miles away) is backing me up on this and pretty much told mom to "suck it up!". I'll keep my fingers crossed - thanks again!

06-04-2007, 01:22 PM	#8 (permalink)
eldragon Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 22	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents This scenario is common, and will become even more common in the future, because we are all living longer. It puts a strain on everyone to have to care for your aging parents, and especially when you still have children in your house. A temporary solution is to hire respite care, someone who comes in and sits with your aging parent so that you can have a break. And some major cities have "adult daycare centers" that you can drop your aged parents off to for a few hours during the day. If dementia is a real problem, or God forbid Alzheimers, you probably won't be able to handle it yourself, especially if the person is ambulatory. (Walking.) Then you will have no choice but to find an Alzheimers unit to keep your parent until they are not a danger to themselves or others (when they can no longer walk.) This is a tough situation to be in, and you're not alone. There is community assistance out there, call your local social services for additiona information.

06-07-2007, 08:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
tater03 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 34	Re: Taking care of Elderly Parents Our problem is that I am the only one in my family that will be able to take in our parents which I have no problem with in the least doing. I know that there will be problems along the way but if at all possible I would like to try to keep them in their own home or ours as long as I can. The other problem is though that my husband will be the only one that will be able to take in his Mom if need be because we know that his brother will not. This may sound terrible and I would do what I need to do but my mother in law expects us to take her in whereas my parents don't. She is already rearranging our house for when she moves in and she is not even sick. Where my parents have already told me that if it ever came down to us having to take in my mother in law and not them they would certainly understand because to be honest my parents would feel like a burden and they would not be. It just bugs me when I think about it because my mother in law is expecting it and has given no thought to what might happen if my parents would need to be the ones to have to move in with us.