To live with in-laws

[terziella]

I previously posted a thread on Jewish - Catholic Wedding... in reference to that post, I would like to ask for some advice regarding the issue on living with in-laws.
Technically, my fiance & I are not married yet. His mom currently lives with him at his house and I am am living in a condo with my mom & brother. Both of us came from 2 different foreign countries. His mom is the total opposite of my mom. Like for example, streetsmarts - his mom has never driven a car in her life before and my mom is a pro at it. Basically, his mom is more traditional and old fashioned, whereas my mom is a lot modern. The other reason why I haven't really set a wedding date yet is because of this. When we decide to get married, I would have to move in to his house with him & his mom. The thing is, I am more like my own mother - very modern. His mother & I don't speak the same dialect & she barely talks in English. A lot of times, when my fiance & I talk to each other, she would just interrupt and say something herself - eventhough no one else was talking to her. Even if arguments arose between myself & my fiance, she would just try to find out what happened and it's driving me nuts! It's not that I don't get along with her - it's just that she doesn't know when to talk or when to just keep her comments to herself.. Oh well, I tried to explain to my fiance about all these feelings I've had and I still haven't seen any difference at all. And now, for the past week he's been nagging me for a date. I don't know what to do! If I feel resentment now, how would it be after we get married? I am so confused! Is there another solution to this problem?! Advices are GREATLY appreciated. Thanks so much!

[saralee]

Oh man, you guys have alot to work on. Things will not get better on their own. I have been through this. His mother won't change....you two have to learn to talk things through and communicate. Like I said before, get some professional counseling, before you set a date. Go to divorcebusting.com and look at their relationship coaches...I found that so helpful in my marriage. Be glad that you can work on things before there is a marriage or kids! Good luck

[diet]

I can understand your problem. You should talk to you fiance and if possible try to talk with his mother regarding this that what is annoying you. If you truly love your fiance, it is not a wise idea to break the relationship only because of his mother. Wish you good luck.

[abeterz]

It is a difficult situation with in-laws. You say he lives in a house with his mother. Does she plan to stay there after the marriage ? I have had friends with similar situations and in his case his parents moved closeby to a seperate condo. That helped resolve the issue tremendously.
She does not need a big space and will probably be comfortable by herself as well. Also, his siblings were in different parts of the country so the parents tended to travel a lot as well. Once you establish yourself in the house after marriage.... things are different. Currently his mother sees you differently. After marriage her perspective has to change. There are many books to help her cope with that.... Think about that. I agree with "diet" that if you truly love him.. then you'll should have that conversation with his mother. She may actually have some ideas of her own to help.
Good Luck.
Things happen for a reason. True love is hard to find.
With love you can always find a way. Though its not everything.

[Neetsy]

DON'T let your guys Mother live with you and him. I did it, after 26 years of marriage and I always got along with my husbands mother fabulously, until we moved in with each other. The competion between me and her with my husband, the coniving she does and twisting things up. She is 81 and aging, but my gosh, sometimes I can't believe we are still married.

[philoSCIFI]

Oy.

Depending on your financial situation, can you guys afford to get your own place? Maybe not buy at the moment, but perhaps you could find a cheaper place to rent?

[sarahlorrain]

I would definately NOT reccomend living with either parent after getting married. This is not a good idea at all. Also, you need to have a good talk before you get married about how much the BOTH of you are going to be allowing your parents get involved in YOUR business. It is my belief that your marriage is none of your parent's business, unless of course something like spousal abuse is occurring. This is an issue that could potentially come between you in the future, so maybe set some boundaries now.