Secrets to good health

[Living Brian]

Here's a fun little spoof from those emails that do the rounds, that I thought better against posting in the more serious boards.

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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay* in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming

[Alexa]

Thanks for lightening up my day, Brian !

[Slashmire]

I remember seeing that some time ago, back then it was passed as a real response, wonder how that started

[Lyricb]

I particularly like the first bit of advice. I just wish I knew my heart's pre-programmed number.

[philoSCIFI]

These Q&As make my day.

The first one about heart beats and taking naps. How much do you love that?

Body/Fat ratio. I never liked that... though I love the calculation answer given. I'm one to one! Woohoo!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body

Hey. That seems true even if we're being serious.

[etali]

Hehe, they're good ones

The point is kinda true though - enjoy life and stop stressing so much.

[cesc]

Stress is possibly the deadliest factor...combined with bad cholestorol and fat or course...

[katharina]

Originally Posted by Living Brian

Here's a fun little spoof from those emails that do the rounds, that I thought better against posting in the more serious boards.

This was all very funny! I get really annoyed at the people who see life the totally opposite way and when every movement and every bit of food is carefully calculated.... I agree with this spoof that life *is* much too short for being *so* careful.