Dads and kids

[Living Brian]

I've heard too many stories about dads walking out on their kids - heck, even mine walked out only a few years ago and has since cut off contact with us.

I don't know about anybody else, but I could never cut off contact with my kids, nor use and abuse them to get at others as I hear others doing - playing nasty psychological games, etc.

Maybe it's more likely when dads have barely had any real chance to bond with their children, such as being at work all day and then too tired on a night.

I guess I'm lucky in that way - I've always been at home, at first unemployed, and then running my own business from home, so I've been able to bond with my children really well.

Even should my partner and I somehow and for some reason
split up and my not have such everyday access to my children, I certainly wouldn't punish them for it, nor cut them off entirely.

Is it really just a bonding issue, or are some dads just plain emotionless, even callous, with how they treat their children?

[Leto]

Some parents - not just dads - are just plain emotionless. But for centuries, women jobs was taking care of the kids whetever they like it or not. And just daily care without love can be even worse than an absent parent.

Now, dads tend to be more and more present with their kids since the start, they're not afraid anymore to bathe, clean and feed them. So they can start bonding earlier with them. Hence having quicker a stronger bond with their kids.

[tater03]

I am a mom, but I cannot imagine my husband ever abandoning his boys. He loves those boys more than life itself. I have a hard time understanding how any parent could abadon their children. I just don't get it and never will.

[Lyricb]

The bond I feel with my children is unreal. I don't think I could ever walk out on them, and I wonder if the bond is as strong for my husband. How much of this is genetic, you think?

[Melos]

Having a bond with your children is partly a matter of choice, I think. I'm a divorced Mom and of course, I work. I still bond with my kids regularly My ex-husband, however, has nothing to do with them at all - by his choice.

I think the reason guys walk out on their kids is that kids aren't taught responsibility anymore - and then they grow up and still don't.

[Lyricb]

So Melos you think it is more about how we're taught, and less of an inborn thing? That's an interesting idea.

[eldragon]

My husband is as devoted to our 9 year old daughter as much as I am. She bonded with me, though. He still spoils her rotten, but she doesn't respect him.

My oldest daughter has a dead beat dad. She loves him the most : even after almost 18 years of neglect.

Relationships are strange.

[Melos]

I do think that there is some 'mystical' power of love the kicks in when you become a parent. I experienced it for sure. However, I don't think some people have the capability for it, and then everything comes down to nurture. Even if you are not utterly devoted to a child in that parental love way, you can still care for it and treat it, and raise it well. The difference comes in with these "Dads" were never taught to take responsibility, even if there is no emotional attraction.

[techluck]

My husband had a terrible relationship with his father and barely speaks of him at all and if he does it is in a negative tone. However he adores his children and they adore him. Being a father is the most important part of his life - and he does a wonderful job at it. At times I have wondered if he is adament that he will never allow himself to treat his children as he was treated.

[Sister]

My husband is divorced from his first wife but shares 50% custody of their daughter. He was determined to be involved as possible and he is truly a great dad.